Looking forward to the Darkness…

…has been my leading emotion over the last month. A yearning. A longing. Hopeful expectation of the goodness, sustenance, and simple pleasure of the darkness. A few years ago was the first time I fasted during the Muslim month of Ramadan and this emotion surprised me the first time I recognized it. As I was sitting at the table, looking longingly at the sun to finishing setting, the rising desire and growing joy suddenly became too much to bear as I realized how many other people, along with me, are looking forward to the darkness. Looking forward to the darkness to eat, to receive the sustenance our bodies need. Look forward to the darkness to enjoy the flow of cool water down a parched throat. Looking forward to the darkness to sink teeth into a thick morsel of fruit, bread, or meat.

Here in Germany, an Arab-Muslim immigrant friend shared how difficult it was for him to get in the calories he needed in the short 5 hours of night time that we have had this last month. Being this far north has it’s own challenges, especially as we move closer and closer to summer solstice. Light for so long and night for so short means only five hours in which to make sure our physical body receives enough food and water to sustain it in order to work and learn. And then there’s the sleeping that is supposed to happen while it’s dark. During this last month, deep sleep was difficult on a full stomach as acid reflux begins 10-15 minutes after laying down with a full stomach. The days of self-denial, self-control, and feeling sleep deprived all add up.  The coming darkness that meets all my needs became the thought tickling the back of my mind, wooing my heart, luring me.

Then today, on the first say after the month of fasting, I was suddenly reminded of that first emotion of anticipatory joy and sorrow from the first time I fasted the Ramadan month. With the sun up and having slept in a little, I walked into the kitchen and for the first time in 30 days I did not have to stop myself from eating. I was suddenly overjoyed! I can eat in the light! I can eat! What joy! What freedom! In light! I can eat in the light! Without restriction! I do not need to hold back! I can enter into the simple pleasure of eating! Thank you God for letting me eat in the light! Thank you God for giving me the sustenance my body needs in the light. Thank you God for the pleasure found in the light.