It all started when...

I was first asked to do a wedding! I wrestled with the idea that God called me to make disciples and preach the Gospel, not fulfill social institutions that could be done by anybody. Then it occurred to me, why can't I make disciples through premarital counseling! 

Ever since the Spirit of God gave me that idea (and I am sure I'm not the first one He gave that idea to), I've always seen a wedding day as a carrot to move a pair of lovebirds (or people living together who want to finally get married) toward God's will for their lives as disciples of Christ. In my years as the pastor of a local church, many people have come asking if I would "do their wedding." Invariably, I would ask them to ask their spouse to be if the two of them would meet with me so I could explain the price required to hire my wedding services. Since many people charge fees in US Dollars, the couple often assume that's what's coming. 

In fact, the fee for me to do someone's wedding has become a kind of running joke as evident by a couple people saying I need to have t-shirts printed for each married couple who endures the premarital counseling. The t-shirt they've repeatedly suggested is "We survived Premarital Bible BootCamp with Juri." :-)

So what's in this plan? It's basic disciple-making. Basic disciplemaking is all about learning to listen well so as to grow in depth of relationship with God. Of course, this is measured by how we are growing in depth of relationship with others. (c.f. 1 John 4)

In the context of premarital counseling, in order for me to do a wedding, I require the couple to go through The Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook, read (or listen) to the entire New Testament, plan the details of their wedding ceremony (except for the homily which is my last Bible study with them), and agree to meet with me for "well marriage checks" at approximately the 3 month, 6 month, and 12 month anniversaries. This then is my fee: 10 sessions with me (or a trained representative of mine) covering the workbook, reading the NT, planning their ceremony, allowing me to "preach" during the homily, and agreeing to the well marriage checks. 

During the sessions I'll start by asking each one to share one thing they've learned from the Scripture. If they seem attentive to God's leading (regardless of whether or not they've trusted in Christ), I'll asking them if they heard from God through the Scripture & if so have they done what He's put on their heart. We'll review the workbook briefly & I'll set up the next chapter with them to make sure they understand what the next chapter is asking of them. Of course, specifics of each meeting change but that's the basics.

Once the workbook is complete, I'll give them a copy of The Christian Wedding Planner and show them how to select the order of service and the specific word choice they would like me to use. If they do not like anything in that chapter (Chapter 13 I think), then they are welcome to write their own ceremony. Of course, I remind them they can have me say almost anything they want and they can say and do almost anything they want, but I get to share a short sermon (homily).

Throughout the weeks that we meet, I repeatedly ask each of them if they are sure they want to continue down this road. I ask them this same question at the rehearsal and before I pray with each of them the day of the wedding. I guess if I can't talk them out of it, then they might just make it! If they've taken to heart the ideas of learning to listen to God through His Word, learning to listen to one another as an expression of their love for God, and putting them into practice, then they have a pretty good foundation to build a life together on.